The difference in goodbye

A little over a week ago, we had to put our dog down. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. Horrible, really. But her organs were failing, she was suffering, and there was nothing left we could do.

And what struck me most, aside from the grief, was how easy the process itself is. Not emotionally. Nothing about it is easy emotionally. But practically, logistically, structurally ... it is.

The vet guided us through everything. They explained what we had tried, what had already been done, what wasn’t possible anymore. They helped us understand that we had reached the final stage. That there was nothing left but pain. And in that moment, the decision, this impossible decision, became clear.

She died surrounded by all of us. Her family. Her people. We were all there while she drifted off, peacefully, without fear. And we arranged it all within a day, because prolonging her suffering made no sense. Her quality of life was already gone.

And it occurred to me:"Why is this so normal for pets ... and so unthinkably complicated for humans?"

We’re so humane with our animals. We don’t prolong their suffering. We don’t insist they fight for scraps of life. We don’t keep them in pain because “maybe one more week.” We let them go peacefully. Surrounded by love. With dignity. Simply because we love them enough not to let them suffer.

But with humans?

It’s taboo.

Complicated.

Layered in paperwork, consultations, waiting periods, evaluations, endless “are you sure?”

Even in countries where euthanasia is legal, the process can take weeks, sometimes months.

Why?

Are we too scared to talk about death?

Too uncomfortable admitting it’s part of the natural cycle?

Are we afraid of making a mistake?

Moving too fast?

Choosing wrong?

If someone is diagnosed with a disease that will destroy their quality of lifebit by bit, If they know there’s no cure, no improvement coming, no turning back, ... then what is the alternative?

We can’t undo a decision after death, obviously. But what we can do is let someone suffer longer than they need to. And somehow, that is the default.

It feels strange to me. With pets we choose love over prolonging life, yet with humans we choose prolonging life even when love would choose something else.

I don’t have an answer. I’m not even sure what the perfect system would look like. But after going through this with our dog. Seeing how peaceful, how dignified,

how loving the goodbye was,

I can’t stop thinking about how different it is when the one suffering is human. In both cases, the love behind the choice is the same. But the way we treat those choices ... isn’t.